Meet Carly...

Carly says the best things sometimes. I need to write them down more so I can look back on the funny things she says and the made up words.

Please: "Pweeeeeese mom?? Pwetty Pweese?"

You're welcome: "I welcome"

When I spin her around and she's dizzy:"The room is aww busy"

Yogurt: "O-gwet"

(Ella says:'yogret'...and it used to be 'gurt')

Sometimes Carly can get a little....Uhhh....er...overzealous(?) about her love. She'll get a "little" wound up, freak out and just run at you gritting her teeth and who knows what she's going to do to you. She's not trying to be mean, she just gets a bit excited and doesn't know how to contain her excitement. (I'm sure it stems from us hugging her too tight, pinching her cheeks and her chubby thighs and squeezing her all the time) So we've been talking to her about good excitement and how to control herself. So the other day I walk into the room and Carly says, "Mommy, I not going to hit ew or punch ew or kick ew!" She said it in the sweetest, smiley-est voice and sounded so happy and excited to tell me this news.


I love her little toddler voice. She seriously is so cute. I hope I can remember how cute she is when she's 13 and talking back to me. Because we all know it will happen. I mean look at who her mother is! :)

This is how Carly "grows". I ask her if she's still my baby and she gets up on her tip toes and tries to stretch as much as possible and says, "no, I getting taw-wer".





Somethings about Carly:

If you stopped by our house you would ALWAYS find her in either dress ups or just panties.




She loves playing in water or the sink.

She is always caught playing with her kitchen...but she's not PLAYING kitchen...it's actually transformed from a kitchen to a My Little Pony mansion.

I have a feeling Carly will be the life of the party when she's older. She'd rather play than watch cartoons, she loves to sing and play make believe and she can get pretty intense. She's definitely got a little crazy in her.

She LOVES Ella and likes to copy everything she does. Sometimes this is a good thing...and sometimes...it doesn't work in our favor so much. They like to have little movie parties in their room:



...sometimes movie parties end up like this:





And often at night when I check on them I find them like this....
...in Ella's top bunk.



This video probably won't be very interesting to most of you, but at the very beginning you can see Carly "growing". ha ha, she's jumping up and down trying to grow. And you get to hear her cute voice which is what I like to remember...just how fun my girls are at this age.




She is such a little sweetheart that loves to snuggle...but not for too long. She loves to play and run around to get all of her energy out. She can be super sensitive and can get her feelings hurt if you're not careful. She gives some of the best hugs and the best advice...like, "Ew can't pee in ur pants, it will get dem all wet." And we LOVE our little Carly bear!

Family Pictures

Does anyone else stress over family pictures for WEEKS before you get them? I have to admit, I stress over what we're going to wear, if the girls are going to be grumpy, if Joseph is going to be grumpy (he hates getting pictures taken) the best time of day to go so the girls aren't grumpy, if we're going to get a good shot, if the girls are going to cooperate, if everyone's hair is going to cooperate, pray nobody stains their clothes or rips them on the way, make sure nobody gets any facial wounds before picture day or cuts their hair by themselves....the list could go on forever. I think these pictures are our best family pictures yet! They were perfect and we were only there for a 1/2 hour or less.


















Yes, this is our little turkey, Ella...she was so done with pictures. But this would've been THEE picture if not for her completely "I'm-over-it" facial expression. ha ha


All in all, I think they turned out great. The girls did a great job, Joseph didn't have time to start getting antzy and annoied and I'm happy because my walls look beautiful now.

Jailbreak!!

Yesterday Joseph and I ran our first race together. SO much fun and I'm so glad we did it. It was called the Jailbreak race. It was 3.8 miles with 14 obstacles, 4 pond crossings and 1 mud trench. Oh and did I mention it was at 4:30 PM in TEXAS! It was pretty hot and I'm sure they did it on purpose.



Here we are getting ready. The race wasn't on pavement, so we were waiting for the bus to pick us up and take us to the running trail.





The trail consisted of mud...aka:Texas clay...(extremely hard to run in and not fall on your face), chest level stagnant water, gravel, dirt roads, inside of barns, mounds of dirt and mud pits... not the best conditions to run in.



It kind of brought the beast out in people.



Why am I laughing so hard might you ask?? Well, funny story... Joseph didn't have a drawstring on his shorts and I had my friend Diana stand ready to take a picture. I pants-ed him but what was so funny is that I had no clue I would actually be able to get them all the way down to his ankles and his "I have no clue what just happened" reaction to it all made me laugh so hard I wasn't making a sound. Ahhh, I love you babe. Good times.




This was towards the end. There was a big mud pit we had to army crawl through because there was netting over us. (If you look hard you can see it all behind us) I totally got stuck in it because my bobby pins that were holding my bangs back got stuck in the net and it was ripping my hair out. Would've been pretty sad if it wasn't so funny.





Making it to the finish line....



I raced Joseph to the end...


I guess he didn't get the memo.



Our group. First the Goellners and then with Holly...I guess her husband was taking the picture.


It was SO muddy!!

All the dirty ladies.


We were literally hosed off at the end. So of course I made the best of it and turned it into a photo op for Herbal Essences...or something else. haha



Joseph and Josh...


It was such an awesome experience. We had a lot of fun and are already planning the next one. The obstacles consisted of, chest high water (I think about 3 different times), muddy hills that were way worse because it was actually clay. (SO slippery!!) Lots of STEEP hills, 15 foot high hay bales to climb over, vertical net of tires to climb up, a huge water slide (made out of tarps) to slide down a 15 foot cliff into pond water, laser guns (to shoot fake cops), huge tractor tires to crawl through, tires to run through, mud pits to army crawl through....and probably more. It was hard and crazy but an awesome experience.

Dallas Mania!

We're getting back to normal everyday life and I thought I'd start the week out with a happy uplifting post. The last week in August I went to an exercise convention, with my friend Diana, called Dallas Mania. It's a full weekend (Friday through Sunday) of different exercise classes and lectures that you take all day long so that you can get your continuing education units (CEU's) for instructors, how to be a better instructor and how to better your business if you own one. There were booths up with all kinds of clothing, music for classes, gear, and the latest things coming out. I took a lot of step classes, some pilates, yoga, Flirty Girl Fitness, boot camps, cycling, and a few lectures on how to better yourself as an instructor. I had so much fun and learned a lot! Here's a little bit of what we did....




Does anyone know who this fine lady is standing next to me? Her name is Tracy Yukich from Biggest Loser season 8. I've always been a fan of that show so it was cool when Tracy was in my step class at Dallas Mania and I got to meet her. I wish I was able to talk to her and ask her more questions though. We talked a little about Jillian and the horrendous work out routines they were put through on the show. She was a lot nicer in person and sure has come a long way...mentally and physically. Now she teaches step and spinning classes.






This is Diana and I right before our SWAT team boot camp class. It was AMAZING! So hard but it hurt so good! :) This was our second to the last class on Saturday. We'd been there since 7 am and I think I took 4 intense work out classes right before this. You can still see how sweaty I am.





This was a trainer named Viveca Jensen who taught a *Piloxing* class. Hands down my favorite class and I WILL be getting certified in it. It was SO much fun and SO much work! Everyone loved her class. Piloxing is a combination of kickboxing and pilates. It involves muscle toning cardio along with pilates to tone and lengthen your muscles. Best work out I've ever had.

I had an awesome time and can't wait to go back next year.

Labor Day

We lost the baby on Monday and passed I it on Tuesday evening. Ironic because it was Labor Day. I honestly don't know what to think. I've always thought of miscarriage as a normal event. Something that happens to about 40% of mothers. "Other" mothers. I don't ever really get attached to my pregnancies. Yes, I've always felt like if I lost the baby I'd be mad that I had to start all over but never thought I'd feel like I lost a baby. This pregnancy was different. I was concerned the whole time that something would go wrong. I wasn't sick at all and that worried me too. Everything about this pregnancy was different. The loss was very unexpected. Something I never thought would happen to me. And definitely never something I thought would effect me so much.

I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and a plan for my family. I also know that miscarriages are normally caused by the body knowing something isn't right with the baby and the body just aborts it. But knowing all these things isn't helping. I just kind of feel... numb? Maybe that's the word to describe it. I just don't know what to think. I mean really...what now? I've wanted that baby for a year now and we finally make the decision to get pregnant and usually after pregnancy you have a baby...but when it just abruptly stops and the pregnancy is done but with no baby, I just don't know what to think. I am just kind of shocked. We do want another baby and no, I don't want to wait any longer for it...but at the same time...I don't feel like trying for another one and don't really know when I will feel like trying for another one. It's the weirdest thing and I'm trying to wrap my head around it....

Part of me feels like I'm sad and the other part of me is optimistic. I'm sure it's the hormones still in me, one moment I'm tearing up out of sadness and frustration and the next I'm trying to find the positives in this. Like a little more wiggle room in trying to buy a house in the spring...I could tone up more and be a little more healthy and physically READY to have this baby. Ella will probably be in Kindergarten when we finally have our next one so I'd just have two in the house. It would give me more 1 on 1 time with Carly...and who knows, Carly might be in preschool by the time we have a new baby again. I'm also given more time to get better at bringing the spirit into my home and to be more organized and develop my patience.

All in all, I'm gaining a better understanding of those who have gone through miscarriage and those who are going through it. Even though at only 9 weeks along, there was a baby in there that was going to be a part of our family and it's hard. And I understand now. Sometimes people just need to hear, "that sucks...it just really sucks".

I hesitated to post this for fear that others would feel sorry for me. That's not what I want at all... but for my records I'd like to be able to go back and see what I was feeling at this point. I'd also like all the mothers that read this that have had, are having, or are going to have a miscarriage that it really sucks but at the same time I know it's going to be ok.

Joseph has had a hard time with this also. He's been so supportive and great with everything every step of the way. We didn't really know how to tell the girls (who constantly talk about the new baby...I'm talk'n every 20 mins they come to me to tell me how excited they are for it). Today I told them, "The baby decided it's not ready to come yet. I think it's gonna be a little longer than we thought for baby to decide to come" They said "ok!" and that was that. Not another word. :) So yes, our baby is going to be a little fashionablly late. :)

Losing it...

I started bleeding on Friday afternoon. I wasn't too worried because it was light pink and barely anything. Later that night it turned to brown, stopped through the night and then brown in the morning. I kept my hopes high because I heard brown blood isn't bad. It just means it's old blood. But then I started to see red...bright red. Which is a bad sign. I don't have a dr yet and of course it's the Labor day holiday weekend so there aren't any dr. offices opened. I called the midwife that we talked to on Thursday and she was happy to do an ultrasound for me. She was so sweet and understanding and willing to answer any questions for me and I wasn't even her patient. We did see the baby in the ultrasound. It was way too small to be able to see any movement but it was in there.

Starting yesterday I was having some mild cramping and it's gotten worse today. I feel awful. Like on my period only this time I can't take anything for it. Well, I can take tylenol, but what's that gonna do? The blood is getting more and more red. The midwife and nurses I've talked to all said that now it's pretty much a waiting game. Wait to see what happens. If I have severe cramping where it's really painful and bright red blood then most likely I've lost the baby. I have also been told it could be a number of things, it could've been twins and I lost just one, it could be a period (which is normal), it could be a irritated cervix, it could be implantation bleeding, etc. So I'm told to wait and see after a week if I'm still pregnant. It's hard to be patient when you know you could be losing your baby. I'm trying to be hopeful but not get my hopes up.

This is about where we're at....

That's right, I said it. We are pregnant, about 9 weeks along we think (and hope). According to the first day of my last period I'm about 9 weeks but I haven't been sick at all. Not once so I'm hoping that it's gonna stay that way and not have to find out later I'm only about 5 weeks along and the crazy puke stages have yet to come. I'm still teaching aerobics and plan to teach until the baby comes.

We were going to wait to tell everybody until we told our girls. A full term pregnancy is hard enough for Joseph and me to wait for but for little excited girls I'm sure it's torcher. We thought we'd wait to tell the girls till I start showing. Then yesterday Joseph and I went to check out a birthing center...with the girls in tow. I told the midwife that my kids didn't know so she was being really discreet about everything. Joseph apparently didn't know that I was still keeping the news on the down low since we were in a birthing center and said to the girls, "Do you want to come see where mommy is going to have the baby?" Silly Joseph. So we talked to them and told them what's up and now....well, we have to race to tell our friends before they tell them. :)

Ella and Carly are bound and determined that it's going to be a girl. Joseph is holding his breath for a boy. I'm set because I have 2 names that I LOVE. One for a boy and one for a girl. So really, I will be excited either way. I would love to at least have one more girl sometime but a boy would be nice because it's new and different...and why not, everything about this pregnancy is foreign to me. As cliche as it sounds, I really am hoping it's healthy. Just healthy is all I ask for.

I haven't been to the Doctor yet because I'm still trying to figure out what it is we would like to do...midwife/birthing center? midwife/hospital? or Dr./hospital? It's starting to get complicated with our insurance. I really want to see someone soon though since I haven't been sick it's hard to believe I'm even pregnant! ha!